#i blame myself for what happened that day and idk... i just keep this thinking what if i just hadn't seen that stupid job offer email like

[bingbongsupremacy]

Baby

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: reader is able to get pregnant, pet names, argument, idk what else.

Summary: It's getting harder and harder to spend time with your husband and you have some really important news. (Pre-Outbreak)

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

ABC List

*****

The room is silent, the only noise coming from our TV. Light bounces off of the walls, casting a small glow on the coffee table that moves.

I curl deeper into the couch, watching as the clock ticks by.

8:30....9:15....10:45....11:12...

Finally I hear keys jingling from the front door.

" You're still up? " Joel's voice is tired and raspy. He pulls off his boots, leaving them near the front door. " Is Sarah still up? "

I shake my head, rubbing my heavy eyes. " No. She's over at Gina's, down the street, for a sleepover. "

Joel wanders into the kitchen, pulling a can of beer out of the fridge. He takes a swig before heading towards the living room. For a moment, neither of us talks.

" You were supposed to be home at 6. " I glance over at the man. I take in his appearance. His eyes are dark from clear exhaustion. His shirt is covered in grime. It's obviously been a long day.

" I was. " He agrees, not saying anything more. He takes another sip of his beer. Condensation forms on the can, dripping down his hand.

His answer doesn't satisfy me. " Why weren't you? Why didn't you call? " I press.

This has been happening often. Every few days he stays out later than normal, most of the time, he 'forgets' to call.

Joel lets out a sigh, obvious frustration filling his expression. " I got caught up in my work. It wasn't supposed to go past 6, but stuff happens. You know that, babe. "

Irritation fills my body. " And you couldn't have bothered to, I don't know, check your watch and maybe call me? I was worried sick, Joel. I stayed up even though I have to be up at 6 for work tomorrow. " I push myself up, looking towards his face. Looking for something, something other than annoyance.

I was really hoping he'd be here at 6.

" I didn't ask you to do that. You could've gone to bed. Don't blame me for your decisions. I told you, I lost track of time. I don't have my phone on me when I'm working. " Joel's gaze meets mine.

Anger runs through my body. Usually I'm not this quick to anger but the hormones are driving me insane. The stress of unknowing along with Joel's careless attitude sends rage flowing through my body. " You really could give less of a shit about Sarah and me, huh? " I seethe, not thinking through my words.

Joel's eyes narrow. " What the fuck do you mean? " He starts getting defensive. " Of course I give a shit about you! I fucking work my ass off, for you two! " Joel's tone rises.

" Then why do you keep doing shit that makes us worry? " I exclaim. " You could have called at any point and it would've helped me feel better. I understand that you don't keep your phone on you while working, but is it really that hard to take a five minute break to call me? God-you need a break anyways! You'll fucking hurt yourself if you're constantly working. " My heart pounds. I stand up, trying to get some space between the man and I.

Joel stands up as well. His eyes burn into mine, sending a shiver of discomfort down my spine.

I hate when we get into arguments. My hormones and his exhaustion are mixing together to create a toxic cloud of anger and frustration.

" Like you'd even answer the fucking phone. " Joel rolls his eyes. " You've been so busy talking to your stupid fucking friends that it's nearly impossible to call you sometimes. "

He isn't wrong. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, and I wanted-no I needed to tell someone. I wanted to make the announcement to Joel and Sarah important, something memorable. At the time, I just needed to tell someone else.

They've been there for me this entire time, helping me plan tonight. Helping me plan the dinner and gift for Joel.

A gift he never got to open and a dinner he never got to eat.

" Well I gotta talk to someone, Joel. You're never around anymore. " I snap.

" I'm working! " Joel lets out a breath.

" Your unbelievable. " I shake my head. I let out an angry laugh. " You know what, fuck this, Joel. You're not even listening to me. The point isn't that you're working late, it's that you don't bother to call home and tell me about it. I care about you, Joel. What-What if you got hurt? What if you got into a car crash or fucking died somehow? I'd have no idea because you don't bother to call me. All I want is one call, and that's too much to ask of you. " I push past the broad shouldered man. " Your dinner's in the fucking oven. It's your favorite. "

With that I storm upstairs, grateful Sarah wasn't here to witness the fight. I barely close the bedroom door before the tears start to flow.

Downstairs I hear Joel curse as he drops something on the ground. I lean against the door, doing my best to listen to the man below. His footsteps die off as he most likely settles onto the couch.

I just want him to call home.

_______

The next morning I leave before Joel wakes up. I send a quick text to Sarah, letting her know there's some food in the fridge.

My day seems to fly by. Piles of paperwork seem to disappear in minutes. Before I know it, it's time to head home.

An unsettled feeling wracks my stomach, surely not a good feeling for the baby. I'm still pissed at Joel. I just wish he understood where I'm coming from.

I unlock the front door and am immediately met with silence.

No one's home.

I let out a small sigh, walking towards the kitchen. My eyes widen in surprise when I spot Joel sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of small shoes in his hands.

He found the gift.

Of course he did, I left it on the dresser last night.

" Surprise. " I state while making my way to the fridge. " You're gonna be a daddy. Again. " My voice is unenthusiastic. Not the way I planned telling him at all.

" I'm so fucking sorry. " Joel blurts out. He runs his rough fingers over the small white laces, following the rhythm of the string. " I'm an asshole. "

" That you are. " I agree.

Joel finally looks up at me. His sad expression breaks my anger. Suddenly, I'm torn. Do I keep acting angry or do I feel bad for him?

" I deserve that. I-I shouldn't have yelled at you last night. Pregnant or not- You didn't deserve that. I took out my anger on you. I've...fuck I'll just tell you. I've been working late to try to make some extra money for us. I wanted to take you somewhere for our anniversary. "

I take a seat next to him, shock filling my body. I had no idea.

" You're right, I should've called you. That was a dick move. I...I don't know why I didn't. I guess I was just scared I'd be tired and I'll accidentally tell you something? It doesn't fucking matter now. "

" Oh Joel..."

He continues. " I'm sorry about dinner last night. I should've come home. " He finishes, finally setting the shoes down into the small gold box I put them in originally.

I don't say anything. I wrap my arms around the man, sinking my head into the crook of his warm neck. " Yes, you should've called, but I shouldn't have have been so aggressive. My emotions have just been all over the place. " My eyes begin to tear up. I feel a tightness in the back of my throat as I pull away from Joel. " I feel so much angrier than I usually do. "

Joel pulls me back into his embrace. " It's okay, honey. It's the baby. It's okay. " He tries to sooth me. " I love you so much, and I promise, I'm going to cut back my hours. "

" And you're gonna call, right? " I look up at him from my spot against his chest.

" Yes, I swear I'll call from now on. I have to, what if something happens to you and the baby. " He furrows his brows in worry. " I'll call you every hour. I promise. "

I let out a small laugh, wiping a tear away. " I think every few hours is okay, babe. "

" No every half hour. Who knows what could happen. Your office has steep stairs-we should see if the elevator there is fixed yet. " Joel mutters.

" Okay that might be a little overkill. " I crinkle my nose. " How about you just call when you're going to be late. Alright? "

" I can do that. "

[zerobaselove]

tell me about it | park gunwook

pairing: gunwook x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 792

warnings: none! lowercase intended, not proofread literally At All this is just self indulgent

notes: i started playing a new game today and then decided to write this idk this is so messy and just my thoughts on paper (on a screen? idk) sorry this sucks i needed to let the delusions out

"i'm home!" you heard gunwook call out from the front door, his footsteps approaching your shared bedroom where you sat. it was a rare day off for you, with absolutely no chores or errands to run, you had the day completely to yourself while gunwook went to work. and it was glorious.

"wook! i finally bought that game i was telling you about!" you enthused, hands still gripping the controller as you peeled your eyes from the tv. gunwook wrapped an arm around your shoulder, placing a kiss on your temple before glancing to the tv. "so?" he smiled, "is it everything you hoped it would be? tell me all about it!"

that was one of the things you loved most about your boyfriend; he always wanted to hear about your interests, and actually listened to your useless info dumps. he would even do the same with his interests, and you loved it. watching him go on and on about the new game he was interested in or the new show he had been binging was the highlight of your days. you loved watching his face light up as he talked about a character he enjoyed or a cool plot twist.

and he always returned the joy when it was your turn to ramble on. and ramble on you did.

you gave him a full rundown of the plot so far, recounting the boss fights in great detail, even talking about the techniques you had to use to target their weaknesses or the close calls with death you had encountered during the fights.

"and there's this really cute little cat character! not that that's important really but it definitely adds some bonus points!" you beamed, causing the boy to laugh and ruffle your hair lightly from where he sat beside you on the bed.

"so wait," he started, "you had to fight the robot midair?"

"yeah! it was crazy wook i wish you could've seen the fight! it was so cool!"

he leaned back against the headboard, patting the space between his legs. a silent invitation to sit with him. how could you say no?

you crawled over to his side of the bed, settling in between his legs, his chest becoming your own personal backrest as his arms snaked around your waist. you could feel his fingers playing with the hem of your shirt, the action nearly consuming all your thoughts.

"keep playing! i wanna see!" he smiled wide, excited to indulge in this new interest with you and see what had you so absorbed all day while he was gone at work.

you hummed in content before unpausing the game, the loud ost blasting through the tv speakers once again as you adjusted your grip on the controller, picking up right where you left off.

you caught him up on the last few minutes of gameplay before he walked in, rambling on about what you think might happen next as you turned the corner of the next big area to explore.

the two of you sat like that for an hour before you decided to turn the game off at the checkpoint you had hit. despite the game no longer displaying on the screen and the soundtrack no longer blaring in the room, the two of you were rather hesitant to move. but who could blame you?

"i think i might have to try playing that game," gunwook smiled down at you, his hands playing with the rings on your fingers, the controller lost in the messy bedsheets.

you turned to face the boy, "really?" you smiled, "you totally should!" you trailed off, your eyes fully taking in the boy for the first time that night, "not right now though," your voice was merely a whisper, "want you all to myself now."

he couldn't help but giggle at your sweet words, pressing a kiss to your cheek before tilting your head ever so slightly towards him, placing another kiss on your lips. "don't worry, i plan on staying like this for now."

your cheeks heated up at the subtle intimacy, causing the boy's cheeks flush a similar shade of pink, leaving the both of you in a fit of shy giggles as you competed for who could pepper more kisses along each others warm skin.

"i love you," you whispered against his plush lips, feeling them smile against your own.

"more than the game?" he joked, causing you to crack an even bigger smile, "know your place park gunwook!" you teased, causing the boy to lean back, an overexaggerated pout on his lips.

"i'm kidding!" you laughed, "i love you" you placed a kiss on his lips between every word of the confession, "more than anything else in this world."

[garbbitch]

i have so many thoughts about this so i apologize if this is scattered.

i saw this originally on TORRES’ story yesterday and it honestly made me sick. this disheartening. and something about the way people have been reacting to julien’s new upcoming project as opposed to how they’re reacting to lucy’s is making my heart hurt

like, idk, they’re both essentially at the same level of fame since they were both in boygenius, and yet lucy is getting article after article and interviews upon interviews about her and julien’s press has been relatively quiet beyond the one podcast and the one magazine. while lucy is doing radio, she is getting written about in multiple articles, her music was used for a fashion show. idk, i just feel like people are reacting so differently to each of them and it’s frustrating.

like people like to act like julien is less talented or something when she’s not! i’d even argue more talented but that’s a whole other conversation.

it’s like when the whole summer boygenius was touring everyone only ever talked about phoebe. idk, it rubs me the wrong way.

connected but unrelated thought,

people’s reactions to lucy’s video yesterday also piss me off quite a bit

like, i keep seeing a lot of the same arguments, some that i agree with and some that i dont.

for one, complaining about a lack of representation. ie, they’re all skinny, they’re all white etc.

to that i think there were a couple of reasons. one, she was looking at the submissions for the video the day of the tiktok ban. now i don’t know how it all went down but i’m assuming she probably wanted to reach out to more people but had trouble.

also! as much as i love boygenius and their solo stuff as poc, i’m aware that most of their fans are not poc. those concerts are white asf and that’s fine. but she can’t pull poc out of her ass. she was casting from her fan base. if it’s mostly white, that’s what you’re gonna get in the video.

and another complaint i saw a lot was that it was mostly people who were her friends or were influencers. ie, mattie, naomi, elio idk how to spell his name. and again, i think this was just cause of the tiktok ban, she probably saw mostly people who got the most views in that short window of time she was looking.

another thing i saw was that these people weren’t masc enough or butch enough. and to that i say, shut your mouth. these are real people. you can be frustrated with the way the casting ended up happening and you can recognize that it wasn’t a full view of the whole spectrum of mascs/ butches in the community but attacking the individual people she put in the video is wrong.

i also saw some people complaining that she had elio in the vid and hes a trans man. if he calls himself masc and he auditioned and she casted him that is between them, not us and them. being masc isn’t inherently lesbian. being butch is. if he called himself butch that would be a different story but he didnt.

i also saw people complaining about cara being in it. i personally don’t care for her, but who cares…? she may not be masc presenting in her public appearances but we don’t know her. so get over it…

i also saw people that it was only influencers and her friends in the vid… i get this one, but again. i blame the tiktok ban. we in america thought it was going to be gone gone for a while leading up and a good chunk of time as it was banned. yes that wasn’t the case but i do think she just picked people with the most views, ie, the influencers. i do wish she would’ve been upfront that it’s gonna be a bunch of her friends but whatever. (sorry if i’m repeating myself i have a lot of thoughts.)

i also keep seeing people in the community being rude to lucy and saying she’s just an annoying bisexual. she’s not bi i dont think. and she is quite publicly unlabeled or pan. you can recognize the very white view she has of the community and recognize that she could’ve been more diverse without mislabeling her or bringing up her label at all.

and idk, it’s also so baffling to me that both of these people are getting attacked for just existing but like, julien is dealing with real homophobia and lucy is dealing with very chronically online biphobic assholes. it just baffles me how no one is talking about the real and scary homophobia that julien is experiencing but i swear i’m seeing everyone and their mom jump to attack or defend lucy.

and another thing. i think the general lack of public support for julien is because she’s masc, everyone wants a masc or a butch until you actually have protect them. idk

i’m thinking to much and if none of this made sense i’m sorry.

[goldfades]

🍁 for luke?!

congrats again on 100!! 🫶🏻

AAAAAA TYSM LOVE !!!!!! enjoy this blurb lmao, i love lukey pookie <3

he's so 1989. idk why but he just gives off that vibe. OKAY. HE'S VERY 'how you get the girl' (he for sure got the girl in this one lmao)

luke doesn't know how the hell he ended up at your house.

it was a 11:30 on a random tuesday, he knows you're asleep but he can't, even though he knows he has early morning practice tomorrow and a whole day of classes. his mind is racing, but so is this heart.

it was raining and he's still in his pajamas, too. his new jersey devils pj's really fit the whole mood. he rolled his eyes at himself ─ why didn't he change?

it had been six months since you two had broken up. well, not exactly. tomorrow morning, or in 20 minutes time, it would be exactly 6 months since you two had broke up. he knew this because he had been anxiously counting the days until your break-up was official.

ever since luke was little, jack would always tell him that break-up's weren't official until the 6 month mark which basically gave them a 'grace period' to get back together. and even now, as a whole adult, he applies it to everything.

he doesn't even know why he was here. he knew you had moved on ─ he saw all those guys you were with at the bar the other night, you weren't hurting anymore. still, that stupid rule made everything so much worse. knowing that after this period, you wouldn't even be thinking about him anymore made him sick.

he decided, an hour ago, that he was gonna get you back that night. he finally let out a big exhale and closed his eyes, getting out of the car and into the rain, walking up to your driveway and to your front door.

he quickly rang the doorbell twice ─ it was your guys' inside joke, knocking twice or ringing the doorbell twice was some kind of code for one another.

he heard some faint footsteps and he straightened his posture, letting out a loud exhale before you opened the door.

your eyes widened at the sight. your ex, luke hughes, standing outside your door in the rain, a few minutes before midnight. he could see the grogginess on your face and suddenly felt a tinge of guilt.

his curly hair was soaking wet and so were his pj's and you almost cringed at the sight. then you saw his face, his cute, stupid face. your heart fluttered at the sight, like it always did when you saw him, even when he was being a fucking asshole.

"luke, what are you doing here?" you shouted over the rain, that was starting to become more than just a midnight shower.

"i-i..." he didn't even know what to say. he let out a loud exhale before speaking again. "i miss you, y/n. i really, really miss you. i can't sleep, i keep repeating that fight over and over again and every time, i wish i had said something different. anything else would've been better."

your heart broke again at those words as you were transported back to that night. you shook your head, you didn't wanna relive that after you'd tried so hard to get over it all these months. "oh, you can't sleep?" you said, sarcastically. "i have repeated that night over and over again too, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. for a while, i even blamed myself─"

"it's not your fault, it was mine!"

"yeah, i know that now." you spoke bitterly at the boy, who was now shaking from the now, heavy rainfall. "i wish you had said something different, too, luke. but now we both have to live with the conseque─"

"fuck, y/n!" he grunted in frustration. "i'm so mad at myself for letting that happen, i'm so sorry for doing that to you."

you let those few words sink in. luke hughes was not one to ever apologize, you knew that. that was one of the reasons why you two had ended things and hearing those words come out of his mouth felt somewhat therapeutic. "luke─"

"y/n, please just let me talk!" he shouted over the rain. "if i could go back in time i would. if i could just... erase all of it, i would. but i can't. and i know i'm selfish for even asking this but i want you back. no one compares to you and no one ever will, y/n. i've tried, i really have. but i lost you once and i'll be damned if i lost you again if you just gave me another chance.”

that whole monologue sounded like it was right outta a movie. you didn't know how to feel ─ or how to react. you felt so many emotions wash over you and you took another good look at luke.

his curly hair, his soft skin, his entire face just took you back to when you two were together ─ the good times, too. summer at the lake house with his family, late night car rides for drinks, sunday night dates because he insisted that saturdays were for the boys, and especially, his soft touch.

luke's heart was beating out of his chest and he knew he was going to catch a cold because of how long he'd been standing outside, but all of that wouldn't matter if you just took him back. he watched your expression change and he swears he felt like a million tons had just been lifted off his chest as you opened up the door for him to come in.

"alright, luke. fine, one more chance. one, and if you fuck up, it's over and it will be over for the rest of our lives, got it?"

that sweet smile graced his lips for the first time tonight as he walked into your home, exhaling deeply. "got it."

you both stared into each other's eyes, your heart beating fast as a smile plastered on your face as well. then, luke smashed his lips against yours and pushed you against the door. "won't make you regret it, princess."

MY 100 FOLLOWER CELLY!

[shinjisuki]

This may be random but the other day I was listening to Aidan's playlist of Five "representing his mental state" and that song of Elliot Smith "Everything Means Nothing To Me" is kind of similar to an OST in a RPG game that you all might know of.

I'm in both OMORI and TUA fandom, and when that song came, I immediately thought of Aubrey from OMORI. Her OST being "It Means Everything" and Five's being "Everything Means Nothing To Me"

...

Am I the only one seeing this connection/parallel?

Aubrey's being "It Means Everything" saying how Mari's death meant everything to her, thinking everyone else abandoned her and Mari meant everything to her. About Five, I'm not really good at analysis stuff, but the line "Everything means nothing to me" kept on playing on repeat at the end of the song. How I see it is that even after saving the world numerous times, saving his siblings, doing everything he can just for his loved ones and a billion other people to be safe, everything still meant nothing to him.

The only reason why he ever came back was to save his family and prevent the apocalypse from happening, think of it as like his "reason" to live. His whole entire life, he's been living in a apocalyptic wasteland, with no food, no human interaction, seeing his siblings' dead bodies, at just 13? Idk abt y'all but I would've killed myself if I was alone for that long. But Five was strong. He stayed strong for himself and his family.

He continued living just for his family, he murdered the goddamn board just for his family, he did everything just for his family. It's like they're his reason of living, Delores was only there to keep his sanity. But that still wasn't enough.

And even after everything, all his efforts of saving the world, saving his family, fix the timelines, it was all useless. It meant nothing to him. Why? Because he gets shit on by his family all the goddamn time. They all blame him for shit, he didn't even get a single "thank you" from them. Even if it looks like he isn't hurt on the outside, he's hurt on the inside. It's literally on his playlist "Roman Candle"

"I wanna hurt him" Five is hurt, he's hurting yet he still saved his family, stopped the apocalypse, did everything he could. He ignored his physical and mental health, to the point of reaching his limit, all just for his family

And what does he get in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He doesn't get an appreciation from his family, they don't see that he's hurting. Hell, he looked like he was about to cry in s3 after they all failed to stop the Kugelblitz. I swear, there were tears in his eyes while he was talking, as if he's trying not to cry in front of the family. He wanted to be strong for his siblings, he didn't want them to worry about him. Yet he couldn't handle it, he couldn't handle the pain, he wanted it all to end.

He wanted to retire, to rest, to spend some time for himself and his family too. But in the end, no matter how many times he saved the world, saved his family, fixed the timelines, he will never get away from the very thing that ended his whole childhood, his family, the world, everything.

Anyways, this is very random lmfao. I'm not saying that Aubrey and Five have something in common, it's just their song titles that had something connected/parallel to them.

TL;DR

"It means everything" Everything meant to Aubrey. Mari's death meant everything to Aubrey, the friend group falling apart meant everything to Aubrey, the others 'moving on' and 'abandoning' her and Aubrey meant everything to her.

"Everything Means Nothing To Me" Everything meant nothing to Five. Even after saving his family and the world, it was all useless. Because what's the point of trying if you're just going to get blamed on by the people that you desperately tried to save? What's the point of trying if the very thing that ended everything, your whole childhood, your family, the entire world, was just going to come back?

So uh yeah. Wow. That is one long ass essay. I'm not really good at analysis stuff??? So I wanna hear yall's opinion or analysis of this. But I hope u guys know what I mean

Anyway that's it thanks for reading until the end ^_^

[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

one thing about cultural christianity that i don't see talked about enough is that i think it's something a lot of jews can also fall victim to. especially if you live in an area where there aren't a lot of other jews and so you don't have easy access to resources like hebrew school and synagogue and jewish centers. but also even if you do. i'm jewish, i grew up jewish, both my parents are jewish and so are their parents and so were their parents, plus i grew up and still live in a highly jewish area, where schools took off for the high holidays. most of my peers went to hebrew school, and seventh grade was universally considered bar mitzvah season. and i took those things for granted. as a kid i chose not to go to hebrew school, not to get bat mitzvahed, and so much of what i know now about judaism—about jewish culture, jewish traditions, jewish holidays, jewish values, jewish beliefs—i only learned from being on tumblr.

when i was younger, like five or six, i asked my mom what happens after you die, and she said that your soul goes to heaven. and so for years i thought heaven and hell were universal beliefs. i didn't learn that jews don't believe in heaven or hell until my late teens. and in hindsight i can see why my mom told me that—you don't really want to scare a little kid by telling them that when you die you're just dead. but still.

and i grew up celebrating christmas. not in the sense that my family would go to chinese restaurants and see a movie in theaters, but in the sense that we put up a tree and raced downstairs first thing in the morning to open presents under the tree and gather with our extended family and eat christmas ham. still, there are a lot of christmas traditions we don't partake in, like stockings and caroling and elf on the shelf. the other day i had a friend come over and i showed her how many jewish ornaments were on my christmas tree—we have a star of david, a rabbi bear, and our tree topper is a dreidel—and she said something about it being a nice intersection of cultures. and it felt weird to hear her say that. i don't blame her for it, i know she meant well, but it would make more sense for someone to say that about someone with one jewish parent and one christian parent. and like i said, both my parents are jews. christianity doesn't intersect with my jewish culture, it invades it. maybe it was sort of a wake up call for me: you can decorate a christmas tree as jewishly as you like, but at the end of the day it's still a christmas tree. and so whenever i explain to people that i didn't have a bat mitzvah or that i celebrate christmas, it makes me feel like a bad jew.

i don't mean to imply that celebrating christmas makes you less jewish, or that you should be ashamed of yourself if you do. i just feel that way about myself. it's sort of that mentality of "everyone's valid except me," how there are things you say about yourself that you would never ever say about a friend. personally i would love to stop celebrating christmas, but i don't think i'll ever be able to, because even if/when i move out, my family will keep inviting me home for the holidays. and they have every right to. my family loves christmas, they love celebrating it, and i can't force them to stop. that's their choice. this holiday sparks joy for them, but for me it just sparks frustration and fatigue. and i don't want to ruin it for them, but i do want them to understand why i'm tired of celebrating an extremely hegemonic holiday.

idk if i'm articulating this well. i'm not really involved in the "discourse" around cultural christianity to begin with, but whenever i see it talked about it's usually in reference to atheists who used to be christian. but it's a lot more pervasive than that and i don't see that acknowledged very often.

[sentience-if]

#i'm a bit surprised no one's been upset at val

oh i can talk about how mine for sure is

Val leaving Io made my MC feel so hurt, especially since she also doesn't like the Religious and didn't want to come here but made to anyway. she doesnt see why he could not have ran out with her hand in his. as a result, once she found him and got say her accusatory "You left me", she left. and she wanted to Val to follow her or stop her or something, but Val didn't (for justified reasons, i wouldnt have stopped Io in Val's place either)

i think something between them has been broken now, likely irreversibly. she might grow to like him again and even have some trust, eventually, but i think Val has been labeled as "would leave you" forever in her mind. i dont think she'd trust Val with her life anymore. i think anytime Val might joke "Have I steered you wrong before?" that there will be a sour, accusatory silence. my Io went from "shame there's no Connie-Val poly in addition to the Klaus-Val poly, because i camt imagine her ever NOT loving Val" into, "well, it's a good thing theres a Klaus-solo route and also that Connie's route never had an option to be poly with Val, bc idk if Val can get Io to that point of love again"

which i do wonder if that makes my Io especially vulnerable, in the sense that someone else can now step into Val's "place" and be a lot less good-intentioned about it. bc my Io had been nigh co-dependent, had been "I don't exist without Val", and now something has just shattered where my Io has now very rapidly developed abandonment issues

and the realization that Val does know where Io came from in the sense of the ending revealing Val saw who Io was before Io's current form?? that is not helping. that is making things actively worse. that is now "oh. so you didnt tell me, so you kept me at arm's length in a way i didnt see that you were, because you were scared of me. you didnt take me with you because you were scared of me. like all the stuff in-between where i was Becoming A Human Being didnt matter, even when i didnt remember what i used to be, because you DID remember. and you kept it from me. because you were scared of me." in a very.......... uhhhhhhhh

have you ever seen Fruits Basket?? im internally comparing Val to Kyo's mom. that's how my Io sees Val now, basically. albeit Val is less extreme than Kyo's mom, obviously

if youve never seen Fruits Basket, this is a spoiler, for sure, but it would also give context(?). Fruits Basket has a scene where Kyo can turn into this monstrous creature anytime he takes off this bracelet. and his mom was ashamed that he could do that, that he could transform like that, but she didnt want him to know that (but he did) so she kept saying stuff like "You're so adorable, I have to keep you all to myself" and "It's okay. It'll all be okay because I love you. That's why I don't want anyone else to see you, to look at you. Nobody look at my son, he's all mine. You're just so cute. I can't help it" and "I'm so proud to have you as my son" while also never letting him go outside or be around others, and even said "No, honey, you're as human as anyone else. You turn into the form sometimes because of evil magic. Not because there's anything wrong with you. You turn back to normal soon after, right? That proves you aren't a monster. It's okay, I promise, I'm not scared at all" and he would think back in recollection and go "Liar. You were scared, weren't you? That's why you checked dozens of times a day to make sure my bracelet was still on". she used love to be in denial of what was happening. eventually, the denial and unspoken shame and self-silenced fear and whatnot became so bad, she "unalived herself". and Kyo's dad blamed Kyo for that (like a dickhead) while also saying "She loved you. Your mother loved you more than anything else in the world". Kyo would come to say (to himself, to the memories of this) "Stop it! Stop it, you're wrong! Don't force that kind of 'love' on me, I don't need it, I don't!". and when he remembered that his mom would say "Sweetheart, I love you. I would die for you, you know that, right?" his internal response to that memory was "Why did you always say stuff like that? How can you love someone when you never acknowledge who they really are?"

now, years later, this gets further addressed via Tohru. as Kyo meets this girl named Tohru, and has a real connection with her but is hesitant about getting closer even though they already are close. because Tohru doesnt know about Kyo's monstrous form. his mother's death impacts his need to keep Tohru in the dark, but other people know Kyo's secret form and force him to reveal it to Tohru without her havung any idea of what is happening and without his consent. he runs away, and Tohru ends up following him. he tries to push her away, even causing her shoulder to bleed because of his claws, and she does initially walk away before realizing, if Kyo didn't come back with her, she'd probably never see or hear from him again; and then turning around and hugging his arm as he thrashes around for her to let go and run already. she begs him "Let's go home, please! We have to go home, right now!" to which he replies "No! Just go away!" and she says "No!" back and he yells "Don't you get it?!" and she says "No, I don't!". she continues, "I'm scared. Even though I know that's your voice, it doesn't sound like you. You're in a form I've never seen before. It scares me. But scared or not, I want to understand. If you need to talk, I'll listen. If you need to be selfish, I'll let you. I want to help you, the way you've helped me. If you're feeling hurt or scared or weak, tell me. I want you to tell me so I can face it with you. Because I want us to keep living together. I want to eat with you, study with you, worry with you. I just want to stay with you, Kyo." to which Kyo replied, transformed back to his human self again, in a mix of words to Tohru and internal monolog "The thing is, if she didn't love all of me, my mom, that would've been fine. Or, even if she were scared, I would get that. Because being scared would've meant she was looking at the ugly part of me. But she never did. My mom used 'love' as a way of avoiding seeing the truth, to avoid even thinking about it. But, I wanted her to understand. I just wanted her to say 'We'd face it together', I just wanted her to say she wanted to stay. Even back then, I knew it was stupid. A kid's dream that would never come true. Because who would ever say something like that to me? That's what I thought, until... Tohru." and he goes back home with Tohru to face everyone again, and keeps Tohru a close part of his life

so, my Io sees Val now as more of a Kyo's mom than she does a Tohru. obviously Val isn't AS BAD as Kyo's mom, vut i think you see my point?? and so now my Io is looking for "her Tohru", so to speak, albeit not conciously. and she no longer sees Val capable of being that. so her love for Val can only go as far as, well, as far as Val can, really. it doesn't bridge the gap between them. no matter how badly Val might insist their own love can bridge it (but it isn't, maybe it can't) or how much Val wishes my Io's love could bridge it (but it won't. it used to. but now she's too scared of being abandoned again after getting her hopes up). and so my Io's every route has Io and Val being "almost"-in a relationship, as close to being in love as two people refusing to label it can be, before this effectively ends the romantic side of their relationship. i guess that means Val is her situationship? that feels weird to put on Val, but yeah. and maybe Val can turn this into a "second chance romance" and "be her Tohru" and bridge the gap, in the sense that idk how you plan to progress and am not a mind-reader and therefore cannot say "never again" because "never say never" and whatnot

but yeah. that's where my Io is right now. very upset and feeling very unlovable. and maybe Connie or Klaus can fix that (i do also love Kat and Ira, but i dont think my Io does, so im currently not playing either's route but maybe that'll change! thatd be nice!!) or maybe Val can fix it. but not right away

but yeah!! cant wait to see how the story goes. im in shock at how damaged my Io and Val's relationship is, how my Io is basically scared of Val and sees them as.... "a flake" feels inaccurate but that kind of same "dont buy into Val's promises so much, you'll only get disappointed. Val means well. but Val still left me behind when push came to shove, Val still omitted all this from me" of self-restraint. she feels very much like a kid who got her hopes up only to be let down, kind of like a kid with a deadbeat dad who promised Disneyland but he never shows up to take her and instead he stays at the bar(?) but not quite. but does that make sense?? not angry, not resentful, just feeling very stupid

but, yeah, add another tally in the "Ios who are upset with Val" box for me lol

ohoho the ANGST the DRAMA this is good food thank you. I've seen parts of Fruits Basket in that I had a roommate that watched it a lot but yeah I can definitely see the parallels

Val will get a chance to fix it but I think I'm definitely going to have to write a route where Io does not forgive them. And for an Io who turns to Connie or Klaus instead- that would sting Val so much, in equal but opposite ways. It's probably a very good thing that Klaus wouldn't want to hurt Val because you're right, it would be really easy to take advantage of Io's emotions right now, and I wouldn't put it past him

oh and as to your second ask re: not gendering Val- genuinely don't worry about it haha. I just use they/them for Val (and Connie) in asks because i don't want one to seem more canon than the others. I don't mind if readers pick one

[lovely-rants-alot]

LA LAL LAALOOOVELYYYYY

i have no excuse to talk to you I just wanna talk to you <3

hi!

How are you doing?

I also WILL be infodumping to you about my book <3

For now, you can have two snippets that are most definitely NOT getting kept in

I wake up in {name}'s comforting embrace. What happened this time?

"Gracie! You're back!" {name} says. I bury my face into their neck. "Fun fact, gracie, you've never really tasted the rainbow unless you've eaten a gay person."

"are you suggesting I self cannibalize?" I mumble tiredly.

"No, I'm saying you should eat me." {name} says.

That is NOT getting kept in. But despite the connotations there is no sex in my book. Which is why I did not keep it in. Also there is no context for that. It was just a random dialogue line I came up with and decided to put my blorbos names in. I however, am proud of coming up with that by myself. It was at like... very late at night if you cant tell. Anyways I am rambling, sorry. I just wanted to provide an explanaton

This next excerpt is how Cotton Eyed Joe became Cotton Eyed Joe

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" I said. Where there was a sheep before, my eyes now found a being. Wings jutted out of their back, and a cold smile was carefully maintained on their lips. I stared in shock at the figure that towers over me. They had hwhite curly hair that surrounds their head, flowing down to their waist and blowing all around their head. The former sheep had horns in their human form, curling over to their ears with spirals on them. There are carved designs in the horns. How much must that have hurt? Their eyes are colorless, with light outlines of red. Pale skin with no blemishes, and a mole above their lip. Maybe this personofication is due to my bringing human traits upon this being. am i to blame for the unnatural creation that stands before me, a monster from my own thoughts. Where did it come from? Where does it go? Where did it come from…

"Cotton eyed joe. " I said. "it is a pleasure to finally meet you, and I hope you can answer fome questions."

I did slightly change the design of cotton eyed joe (i.e. the hair). And yeah don't judge the writing please this was a direct copy paste

And idk thoughts?

Anyways i wanna know how you are lovely <3

JERRYYYYYYYY (I also had a mini heart attack I read that as my actual name for a second)

YIPPEEE

hello!

I'm alright. Kinda tired but it's the last day of school before break!

Only sad thing is that it meaning we probably won't talk as much cause by the time I wake up you'll be asleep

idk maybe I'll wake up earlier tho

how are you?

YIPPPEE

HAHA THAT'S FUNNY AS SHIT

ah yeah that's understandable. It would make a fire incorrect quote tho

MMMMM ATEEEEE

you slayed with it tho, changes and all

very slay, I wanna know more thanks gimmme the book now/j

[dracoflaco]

Waiting for you // Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x fem!reader

contains: fluff, stressed out reader, use of y/n, flashbacks (in italics), 1.2k words

a/n: its been so long since I write so if it looks cranky, don’t blame me. Idk honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️ (no summary cuz I'm lazy lol)

I reach for the box under my bed, it has been covered in dust meaning it has been down there since forever. Bumping my head in the process of taking the box, I let out a wince, “ouch, this damn bed. I’m throwing you away one day I swear,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. I wipe the dust away to see the hidden words under those dust. ‘Love’ was written on the lid of the box, “I don’t remember having this before” furrowing my eyebrows, trying to remember anything. 

The song from my playlist continues to play, starting a sad tune. I turn to where I place my phone, confused as to why there’s some kind of sad song and to be precise Taylor Swift? I shrug it away and stares at the box in front of me, I’ve been cleaning my room since this afternoon and without noticing the time, the sun has started to set. Plopping on my bed, I take the lid off. My smiles starts disappearing just how he did…

~

I laugh at him when he starts cracking some jokes out of nowhere. We’ve been walking for 30 minutes after our date night. Both us close to each other, my purse in his hand. “Also Nick face was literally covered in it, we had to make a TikTok,” Chris laughed, swinging my hand with his softly.

~

“Happy Birthday my pretty girl. I’m sorry I had to! It was the plan, baby,” he winked, handing me the flower lego to me “my love will last just how this flower last” I laughed at his cheesy pickup lines, rolling my eyes playfully “I really thought you forgot about it, Chris. You better don’t do this again” I squint my eyes at him. “We’ll see princess, we’ll see.” He said, shrugging his shoulder making the ‘who knows’ face. I slap his arm playfully, he eventually starts laughing and bringing me closer into his arms, “I love you, y/n. Even the world can’t describe it” 

~

“This is so good, baby. Cook more often please please please” he begged, chewing the food I made for him. Chris stands up from his seat and walks towards me “Thank you, baby” He hugs me from behind and lift me off from the floor to twirl me. I laugh lightly “Chrisss, put me down” I whine playfully and he set me back on the floor, giving my face all the kiss it needed.

~

A solemn tear fell down my cheek, snapping me out of it. I blink my eyes a few times to stop it but the tears keep flowing down my face like a river escaping a dam. I try wiping it away as the door of my room creaks open, someone just came into my room. Luckily my back was facing the door, giving me times to prepare myself and turns around once I think I’m presentable enough. Nick stood there at my door frame, concerns could be seen on his face, “Nick? Hey, what are you doing here? Should’ve tell me before barging into my room,” I chuckled, eyes avoiding his

“You’ve been crying.” Nick stated, heading towards where I’m seated. One look of the things in my hands, he knew it straightaway. “Missing him? Everyday I passed his room, I could hear him sobbing his heart out. He still loves you, you know? Let him in again?” He suggests, rubbing my shoulder softly. Bringing me closer to his side, laying my head on his shoulder. I stare at the necklace which happened to be in the box, being on the top of the other.

“How? How, Nick? He was the one who ended it, I got no time to stop him from doing so!” I cry out, burying my face in his shoulder. My whole body is shaking from the amount of tears and sobs coming out of me. “Yet you still cry about it, y/n. It’s been what? Almost a year and you two still mourn for each other. I never believe you when you said you moved on from him. It was and still is in your eyes.” Nick whispered into my ears, his hand never stops rubbing my shoulder. 

“It hurts Nick, I still want him but God knows how my brain despise him when he said those words to me but my heart says the opposite” I sobbed, pouring my heart out. Nick only nods and comfort me softly, whispering sweetness to me till I slowly calm down from all the loud sob, non stopping flows of tears. My fingers taking the necklace from the box and turn it around. An engrave of ‘I love you - c.s’. I let my thumb stays on the engraving.

Minutes of staring it, I unclasp the hook and place it around my neck. Nick only observe my movement, saying absolutely nothing. I sigh lowly, resting the necklace on my collarbone. Sounds of a phone ringing starts to play, Nick take his phone out of the pocket of his trousers. The caller ID shows that it was Chris. I nod towards the phone, telling Nick to answer the phone call.

His thumb lingers on the decline button but finally pressing the green button, “Chris? Why’d you call?” He ask, talking to the phone. I shift away from Nick to give them both some privacy. I search for my phone only to be met with the battery logo. Grabbing the charger on the bedside table and plugging it in. “I’ll give you two some times but don’t ask again after this. You better not missed anything or even mess this up again, or I’m killing you myself.” The call comes to an end.

I walk back to my bed and peers at his phone, “what happened?” I asked, picking up the box from the bed and move it into my closet. “Nothing, Chris just asked about the juice from yesterday.” Oh. I nodded out of disappointment and settle down beside him. “Whatever happen, just let it flow naturally. Do not push it away. You better hear me out this time, y/n.” He said, looking into my eyes with seriousness. 

My brow furrows softly, confusion starts to spread on my face, “okay? Anyway why did you come here all of a sudden?”

“You weren’t answering the text I gave you and all my calls went straight to the voicemail. You expect me not to panic knowing you” He said, crossing his arms. “Anyway I’m gonna go buy some takeout with Matt, you want the usual?” 

“The usual I guess?” I shrugged, “up to you though, I don’t mind” 

Nick wave at me and left me alone in my room with my clouded thoughts. Sighing, I rose to my feet and drag myself to the bathroom to wash my face. My eyes are a bit red and puffy after the crying session and all. The sound of my door bell rings all over my house, I dry my face quickly. Rushing down the stairs to open the door. Time seeming to slow down, feeling as if I can hear my own heartbeat. There he stood, My Chris or what used to be. The tears in my eyes threatening to fall, “Chris…” I whispered-

-to be continued-

[milkamel]

Oh no.. the crk disease got you too..

I mean I have it too but shhhhhh…

Also- do you know when “Let us split our pain in two” will be updated? I’m seriously invested in that story :3 /nf

Yeah.. that disease got me baddddd... Like I've been playing since summer but it fully hit me a few months ago 💔 ouchie

And speaking of that fic... idk. I'm immensely burnt out on utmv as a whole if I'm being honest, kross included (I wanted to joke for the April Fools like "I don't like Kross anymore!!" Ironic now-). Like I did have ideas and a plot for the AU but I seriously can't bring myself to actually write it. And the last thing I want is to write dry and uninspired work you know,,

Like even if I ever have that passion come back I'm not sure when it will happen.. but not any time soon. All I can do is show what I already wrote like.. in December. I'm not sure if I should even keep the mystery or just reveal the soulmates and ships- I really hoped it'd be the first big fic I'd finish but- note to self: never start ambitious fanfiction projects 😭- I knew it'd most likely happen 💔

Anyway the start of the chapter and literally everything I managed to write under cut

***

For the following days, Cross was an anxious mess, fearfully awaiting for the punishment that suspiciously… never came. Nightmare hadn’t called him to his office or didn’t even appear in front of him without any warnings like he usually did. It was awfully suspicious to the guard and his anxiety skyrocketed even more than it usually did.

When will he face Nightmare and the consequences of his mistake?

He really hoped that Killer didn’t get scolded instead, this thought made him feel even more guilty especially after how he acted right after essentially screwing everything up.

He couldn’t even face the skeleton and simply avoided him like a plague, it was easier that way. The guy was probably pissed at him as well, he wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.

Cross sighed, those thoughts repeated themselves in his skull over and over again, making his head spin.

What didn’t make the situation better was the constant fatigue he experienced. He slept well and ate enough, yet for some reason he got those random vertigos and felt like he was on the verge of passing out in the middle of the training.

What was wrong with him!?

He didn’t want to tell anyone in the gang about his well-being, would they even care really? Maybe Nightmare would think that he’s weak and useless to him and just kick him out. Or maybe they’ll consider this a good opportunity to dust him.

He still wasn’t feeling safe enough to trust those murderous skeletons…

Though he wanted to.

He wanted to find someone he could trust again, yet it was so hard. He couldn’t let his guard down. Not after XGaster, not after Frisk and not after Ink.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Cross flinched, the voice was far from the loud one but he was out enough for it to make him jump. He quickly recognised his surroundings, did he really stop in the middle of the hall?

He turned to look at Dust, his face was still partially covered with his hood and that strange shadow that realistically could’ve worked the way it did. The question the skeleton asked registered in his mind after a few moments.

“Yeah, dude.. I’m fine. Just got lost in thought.” Cross shrugged it off, trying not to sound suspicious as his headache returned and made him feel dizzy. Thankfully, he knew how to act to pretend that he wasn’t in pain.

“You’ve been acting off lately. Are you sure?” Dust asked him more insistently, Cross couldn’t help but be a little confused at the sudden worry coming from the hooded skeleton as he nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, trust me. Couldn’t sleep well for the past few days, that’s all.” Cross murmured, hoping this excuse would work well enough. Bad dreams and insomnia would’ve probably been an average problem around here, right?

Dust seemed to buy this excuse but Cross still could feel his attentive glare burning a hole in him. Thank the stars he didn’t push it.

[fatuismooches]

greetings!!! this is the first time i've ever shared my idea to anyone, kind of worry but guess that i have to share it with you because your writings are so good and i love how you execute scenarios and ideas (literally awake all night scrolling through your brainrot 😭😭😭😭)

let me tell you that fragile!reader and dottore is what keeps me awake at night i love them so much, i literally read everything in the tags, the fluff and angst is SOO GOOD NGL.

so, angst/ no comfort (because i love tormenting myself (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆), fragile!reader and terminal lucidity - somebody suddenly became lively and conscious before their deaths. i see that you have written about fragile!reader whose memories are slowly deteriorating or slowly losing their eyesight. imagine one day, everything just come back...normal, the sudden recollection of memories, vision returned miraculously, no pain, no suffering, as if they were back to the days at Akademiya. they became gleeful, happy, full of live, no longer the gloomy, sick-ridden individual.

Dottore, of course, was surprised at this phenomenal, run more tests and check-ups just to be sure that we are actually healthy because there is no way we actually turn healthy after being sick in centuries. the segments however, especially Zandy, didn't think much about the whole ordeal. you are fine!! you can finally walking and running freely without being on life-support. your turn in health manage to turned them into a bunch of joyful, blue-haired maniacs with giddy, happy smiles on their lips.

we are fine for a few weeks, which also make Dottore himself believe that maybe, maybe his efforts have paid off, maybe our health have been stable, and maybe from now on, he could spend the rest of eternity with his beloved.

then we die (this is so mean i'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭😭). how they perish is completely up you but i'd preferably that they die in their sleep, a peaceful death. Dottore and the segments are... well, shocked is an understatement, their whole world have...gone, they'd question themself: how can this happen? you were fine in the past few weeks? In which Dottore blame himself the most, he shouldn't have believed that we were fine, he should have run more test, he should have been more cautious about the whole situation but now he completely felt... helpless, for the first time in millions of years. the only person who went thick and thin, the person that can tolerate him in the Akademiya days and the person that he can tolerate now have passed away.

(the ending is kind if short because idk what else to say since my vocabulary and grammar is rather limited. i hope this would be sufficient 😭😭😭😭😭 also looking forward on how you react to this. for now i'll just cry myself to sleep with this scenario while waiting for your work ❤️🥰)

- 🪷

It would come out of nowhere, no one expected it, no one believed it in the beginning. After all, over four hundred years of debilitating illness makes it hard for anyone to believe something good finally happened. But it does, when you first wake up you can feel that something is different - you definitely do some test runs in your room, picking up objects that were once too heavy for you, simple actions that no longer left you tired, no more aches or pains, it was marvelous. So obviously with your newfound energy, you sprint out to find anyone, hell even a random agent would do, because you're finally free. (You can already hear the voices of the segments - no running in the lab because of the very obvious dangers.)

Naturally, Dottore is very skeptical of this, yes, he does not trust how his heart beats at the sight of your glowing self putting on a little performance for him to show how healthy you are now, he can't bring himself to. He's witnessed how low you could become from the worst stages of your sickness, so although he's more than happy to see you well, the possibility of you falling back into such a state is very high. However he cannot find anything, and you don't show any visible signs either. Even so, he still watches you very closely. It's a feeling that always nags, one that may always nag him perhaps, the thought of you becoming worse. But he's not going to damper your mood with his thoughts, you should enjoy this.

Dottore and the segments would still scold you for your recklessness but realize that you are no longer sick and frail and they no longer have to fuss over your health. It's a very strange sensation that's hard to break out of since they've been doing it for so long. But it's good! You're happy! You're strong! You're the [Name] that was buried away, come to rise to the surface once more. Let's just say Zandy very much enjoys the piggyback rides. The checkups still persist as a general measure, but they always go smoothly. It seems there's nothing to worry about.

You would want to assume your role of his assistant once again right away - it's something you've been longing for, to be able to be useful to your lover just like how you once were. To live those days of banter and sharing fascinating knowledge and listening to each other's ideas once more. And so you do, Dottore's more than happy to let you, oh how he's missed you by his side so often. He's excited, he's ready to put the past four hundred years behind and move on, his mind already racing with the countless possibilities that have opened up now. Unfortunately, they don't come to fruition.

Perhaps you felt something wasn't right but it was already far too late - on the day of your death you acted like everything was normal, carrying out your new duties, but also with a lot of added affection, visiting each segment and Dottore and kissing them with all your love. They don't think much of it, you're usually affectionate like that. If only they knew that would be the last time they were embraced by you. Little Zandy too - it would be the last time you ever hugged him and listened to you read him a story. He'd be absolutely inconsolable after your death.

With you gone, the spark in his life would be gone. It would be the same routine of his duties and experiments and research, with nothing to ease his tension. Sure, he no longer has to spend lots of time finding a cure or producing medicine, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. It's the same as when you were sleeping, except this time he no longer has the anticipation of you eventually waking up. Or does he?

Resurrection is a forbidden art, but he is Il Dottore, the one who has no problem sinking his hands into what should not be done, and he is Zandik, the one who loves you. If this world wants you gone so badly, then so be it. He will simply reach for your hand and pull you back to him every time, because even if it is lifeless, he will make sure it's warm once again.

[hkthatgffan]

// hey you mentioned you were on the same flight path/plane as the dc crash a while back right?

Ok. Well i was thinking about that again because on elon's twitter, there's his tweet on the 9th of January about needing a plane crash to get dei changes to roll out.

I'm glad you went on the plane when you did, because this seems like an intentional thing caused by trump and his cabinet to hit that plane of unsuspecting pilot and passengers with how fast he went to blame minorities and the poor people on the airline.

You have a big role in this fandom, I'm glad you are ok, and i'm so happy that you are here with us, because if you went any later- :'D then idk man.

((This is ment to be a private ask, you don't need to post this. But if you need a link to elon's tweet, and why i think they intentionally crashed into these people to create dei panic please let me know. It made my blood boil when it resurfaced.))

Hey. Well, given you submitted this anonymously, I can't really reply in private to it but I do appreciate the thoughts for my safety. It is scary to think about how close to the path of death I kinda walked.

I mean, I think overall I was okay for various reasons alongside me going in December to DC, landing and leaving there in the day time with better visibility and more. DC always had been a dream destination for me cause of my love of aviation to wanna see the Smithsonian so I'm glad I got to do that. I got to see aircraft I dreamed about as a kid from the Blackbird, Concorde, Dash 80, the Wright Flyer and of course, Discovery. What a beautiful machine she is! Of course, dream fulfilled...I got no plans to visit the US now until that orange idiot is out of office.

Even so, it rattled me quite a lot given PSA is the same airline I flew to DC on and the CRJ that crashed, while a smaller model to the one I flew on, is still the same type of plane. So, it's creepy to realize I flew on an airline that only a month later would be involved in such a horrific tragedy. There's so many regional airlines that fly to Reagan and so, for the crash to happen with an airline I flew myself so recently, at an airport I visited and loved tbh given it's an amazing airport, really shocked me more than any other plane crash lately has.

It really has made me a lot more aware of how short life is than I already have been feeling as of late with all going on in the world. At the end of the day, we all are just a pile of living cells that share the same fate. It doesn't matter who you are, we all will die. But sadly for some that day came a lot sooner than later.

Don't know much about the theories on the crash and such so I can't really comment on that. But I did hear a bit regarding it. On one hand, IDK if anyone out there would be insane enough to sign off on a thing like that to happen...but then...this also the US government and I'm not blind to the shit they've done. There's a reason so many countries hate the US...and not just us Canadians rn for the tariff crap. Miracle tbh to find a country that DOESN'T have some anger towards America. I keep a Canadian flag on my bags for a reason even though I don't look American (thankfully).

It's not out of the playbook for the US to do something as horrific as that. But I guess unless enough concrete evidence and public outcry materializes, it'll be just a conspiracy theory that's been floated around and will continue to. Either way though, innocent people died who should not have and the cause needs to be known and changes done so that it never happens again. There's an old saying that every safety regulation is written in the blood of those who died to make it.

On the aviation aspect of things though, regardless of how or what, it has been a dark week for the industry but it is also important to remember, regardless of crashes, flying is still the safest form of travel. You are statistically more likely to die driving to the airport than on an airplane itself.

Aviation is a marvel of human achievement and our greatest invention IMO. It's an industry worth fighting for to ensure it remains safe and not corrupted by evil and hateful sentiment by those who would rather plunge it into chaos to win a few political points among racists, than give the public peace of mind the next time they board a flight.

Rest in peace those innocent souls.

[writing-whump]

Woww thank you for the accident fic I was one of the fans who asked for it 😄 maybe it was not fun for you as much as other but I really enjoyed it (guess I'm a huge fan of those kind unexpected drama and sacrifice lol) Tbh, I don't want to bore you, or mess your schedule and attention but I can't help myself! Well, ok, I admit I'm a drama-addict and love to read other's reactions to it. Sorry for insisting!!

So it's just a tiny request, it really doesn't have to a fic-long as usual (if you want to write that way of course it's way better for me lol) I'm just curious about how would Isiah feel and think when he found out about the accident. I understand that this kind of trauma can be healed easily for wolves and not a concern, and Hex&Arnie got through it well, but it could be worse, right? Idk maybe Arnie would feel stressed about it afterwards and worry about Hex even though he's already healed. He might also blame himself for what happened as he was driving? Anyways, would you consider write another part stress sick Arnie and caretaker Isiah?

-🛼

I mean, this is fitting, since Arnie doesn't get stress sick, but he gets stress migraines. And we didn't have him with Isaiah as caretaker for a while...here you go🥰🤗

Stress migraine

Arnie really wanted to have fun today.

Hector was sleeping third day in a row already, tyring to get his shadow back up after all the healing. Nobody really knew, since Hector wouldn't want the pack to know and refused to call anyone.

Arnie understood. It was usually just the two of them, when something bad happened to either. Hector never let himself or Arnie find out if they had other people they could trust.

But now they had someone like that back. Someone they could call.

Other thing was that there wasn't really much to tell. Hector was fine, the car was getting fixed, Arnie wasn't hurt very much. What was he supposed to make a scene for, when there was no proof something even happened?

He caught himself looking for the little wound in his hair in the mirror just to make sure he didn't dream the whole accident up.

They had a scheduled meeting with Isaiah on Saturday though and Arnie figured it was a good opportunity as any to get out and distract himself.

He wanted to stop waking up to the fear he was back at the car or keep checking Hector every 30 minutes like he would start coughing blood out of his sleep all of sudden.

No, this was good.

Isaiah took him on a tour around Vienna. He said it was a scandal Arnie didn't get to see the center yet and that he didn't know all the sights by memory now.

Isaiah definitely did. They took Tram D around the main ring of the first district. Many important things were all after each other, parliament, city hall, the two giant museums of natural history and art history right across each other, the giant theater, the Butterfly House...

Isaiah refused to take a car, when everything was so well-connected and they spend the day on foot, from one park to another, one big street to another.

Isaiah seemed to have a thought out plan of switching between greenery and impressive buildings, talking all about the style of architecture, how many times they were rebuild, who famous lived there.

Arnie was so overwhelmed with all the information he stopped putting it together halfway through. He took comfort from just Isaiah's relaxed mood, his zealous voice and ardent expression.

Everything was all good with the world again. One could believe it, listening to him.

Somewhere around midday they went to get lunch near the Schonenbrun castle and gardens, Isaiah treating him to schnitzel and cake for good measure. He never let Arnie pay for anything when they were together.

"I have the same inheritance as you do," Arnie objectdd as he took a sip from his cold brew coffee.

Isaiah smiled. "Yeah, but we will start this talk once you make your own. Rich or not, there is nothing like getting a paycheck for the first time. Your effort, you decision."

"So you want to pay for everything with what you earn?"

"The assistance job I got at the uni pays well. I also helped out with a city planning project last year that had very good funding."

Arnie leaned back in the chair. "That's cool. What about your whole wolf helping activities? Hector says you get called to things all around the city. Do you get any pay from that?"

Isaiah took a spoonful of his chocolate lava cake. "No, I don't do that for money. I like helping out."

"You shouldn't be doing that for free though, when it takes so much of your time. Or is it the contacts and favours you gather that way?"

"Isn't it worthwhile and helpful when you can give people things without having them pay for it?"

"Yeah sure, but that's sustainable if you actually use all the money you were born with. If you were born with it." He was getting the impression Isaaih didn't like relying on anything that came from their father. "Besides, don't people take skills and advice more seriously if they have to pay for it? If you give it for free, they might not take any interest at all. It's a way to show them something is valuable."

"What exactly would I call it? Hello, I have experience that your shadow is entirely manageable with the right kind of training, but your pack doesn't seem to know, so come and listen to me?" Isaiah shook his head. Way to insult the pack and trivialise the wolf's problems.

"You have expert training from leading packs of the West. If you wanted to make that systematically accessible through courses or stuff, I think people would find it easer to find you. You could even prevent most of the problems the packs and human authorities call you to."

Isaiah chuckled. "You aren't the first one to suggest something like that. Matthew said something similar. Even Seline said I could make it a job. I don't know. I like working in the academic environment as well."

"It's not like you would have to choose between one or the other. Plus academic jobs are pretty instable I hear."

"You didn't even start uni yet and you are hearing about uni conditions?"

Arnie shrugged. "Lots of protests about the Mittelbau and the time constrained chain contracts around lately." Apprently 80% of the academic workforce that didn't have safe professor status worked under conditioned contracts, always afraid if they were going to be prolonged or not and if they wouldn't have to move to another town just to get a job they specilized in.

"It's impressive you can understand it. You still thinking about law school?"

"Yep." Hector was very careful about not mentioning it too much so Arnie wouldn't feel pressured, but he knew Hector would find it useful. Even wolves had to respect the law.

And Arnie would love to feel a bit more powerful around them.

"You are still studying it too?"

"Additional classes and courses, yeah. It's not my main subject, but it's useful in practice."

Arnie hummed, satisfied with the prognosis of that. He wanted to know useful important stuff.

They talked some more about law and different teaching styles of different faculties.

Everything was going well, except the sun was becoming a bit too much and Arnie's temples were starting to pulse.

Why now? He finally relaxed, finally forgot about what happened at home...

His stomach flipped at the reminder. He was pleasantly full just a minute ago, but now it felt like too much.

They paid and strolled around the gardens, when Arnie said: "Let's sit in the shade for a bit?"

Isaiah gave him a puzzled look that they barely got up and Arnie wanted to sit down already, but complied.

For such a historical sight, there were lots of people chilling on the benches in the shadows. Lots of trees planted for that purpose aside all the magnificently styled flowers everywhere.

"It's really hot today," Arnie said, tugging at the collar of his buttonup. Short sleveed, but still.

"There is a good ice cream stand nearby. I'll get you some." Isaiah patted him on the back as he left.

Arnie slumped back on the bench, relieved to be out of sight for a bit. He didn't want to ruin the tour that Isaiah planned out so carefully, but his head was positively pounding.

He didn't get a headache after the accident. That was weird in hindsight. Usually, when something stressful like that happened, he would absolutely get one.

He must have been too worried for Hector to let himself relax enough for it to set in. Veins must have finally opened from their tense contraction, and that's what made it painful.

Cold sweat was gathering at the back of his neck. His right temple felt like someone was putting a drill to it, while the other was held in a crushing grip.

The sunlight was so blinding, even though he was in a nice shade. He felt goosebumps on his arms, as his lovely lunch churned inside him.

Arnie leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees as he swallowed heavily against the saliva pooling in his mouth.

His stomach let out an angry whine, cramping up. Arnie hid his face in his hands, taking quick shallow breaths. Not now, not now, not now.

He groaned as his lunch roiled inside him, sniffling. There weren't many people around him in particular but this was still a public space. Beautiful gardens under a tree with a view of the castle, no less.

A burp snuck its way past his lips. His upper lip was covered in sweat now too. He could taste the salt as he licked his lips.

Arnie knew from experience it would only make him more miserable to fight it. The pain in his temples pulsed in synch with his heartbeat.

When he looked up from his hands, the sunlight pierced his eyes even stronger. The pain in his left temple spiked and Arnie heaved, pulling his feet more apart.

He swallowed the first retch down, but the second almost made him choke. Letting his head hang between his knees, he burped, the third wave bringing up the cake and the cold coffee onto the ground.

His brain was buzzing in his skull, so he kept his eyes closed, completely giving in to the sensations. Another wave of puke landed between his feet. Arnie only hoped his shoes wouldn't get dirty.

"Aww kiddo. What happened to you?" He felt Isaiah's cold hand against his nape. Isaiah discarded the two scones of ice cream on the ground at the sight, sitting down gently next to him.

That's when another wave of yellow brown puke found its way up, tasting of the potato salad and meat. Arnie groaned, back arching as he vomited up the longest stream yet.

Isaiah held his shoulder to steady him, rubbing up and down with his thumb. "What happened? Did you feel sick suddenly? Or before? Is it the sun?"

Arnie burped emptily, spitting at the pool between his feat. The smell was making him nauseous still.

"I thought we took enough breaks in the shade. Maybe I miscalculated. You are sweating all over."

Arnie sniffled, his nose running. He kept his eyes closed still, the pounding in his head worse whenever the tried to open his eyes. He tilted towards Isaiah's voice blindly.

Isaiah obediently filled in the spot, letting Arnie lean against his shoulder. "Shhhhh. All good now. We will cool you down and you will feel better in no time."

Arnie sniffled again, curling into Isaiah's clean cologne, probably leaving a trail of snot behind. "Head hurtsss."

"I know, buddy, I know."

"...wanna go home."

Isaiah nodded over his head. "I'll call a taxi. We can go to my place too..."

Arnie shook his head. "Home." He wanted his own bed, his curtains, his medicine, though it would probably take a bit for his stomach to settle enough for it.

Isaiah was quite as they waited, only wrapping his arm around Arnie and helping him up when the taxi came. It was more or less a blurr for Arnie, who was glad Isaiah took over so eagerly, masterfully, despite not even knowing what was wrong.

As they sat in the back of the car, Arnie buried his face in Isaiah's chest, trying to muffle the sounds and light as much as possible.

"You will be okay. Just breathe."

"I'm sorry I ruined the trip."

"You didn't, you didn't. Should have chosen a later hour. With this heat-"

"Not the heat," Arnie sighed. "Migraine."

Isaiah tensed underneath him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Miragine. It's fine. Not...not your fault."

"Since when do you get migraines?" Isaiah said in a strangled voice.

"Since I was 12? Or 13? Something like that." He moaned quietly as the car took a turn and jostled him.

Isaiah tighed his grip around his torso. They sat in silence for a while before he spoke again. "How often do you get them?"

"Not regularly anymore. Something...usually something triggers it."

Isaiah's hand went up his arm, gently sneaking into his sweaty hair. When Arnie leaned into the touch, Isaiah started rubbing at his temples gently.

"What triggered it this time?" Isaiah asked softly.

The car jostled them again, making them both jump up and down on their seats. Arnie tensed up, then buried his face against Isaiah's neck with a moan.

Isaiah held him as tight as he could without making it painful. Arnie fought against the growing pressure behind his eyes, lips pressed together.

"Arnie?"

Isaiah's voice was so soft and concerned in his ear it got the tears spilling down Arnie's cheeks. "I-it's nothing. Nothing really happened. We-we just-" He sobbed quietly.

"Shhhhh."

"We-we were in a car accident with Hex. Three days ago." He felt the coldness wash over them as the car came into the underground parking place of their apartment complex. Arnie blinked, leaning back, blinking his eyes open in relief at the darkness.

He looked at Isaiah with teary eyes. "I-I was driving and it wasn't my- but Hex, he- protected me and got super hurt and, and he is fine now..."

Isaiah watched him carefully, green eyes of the same shade meeting his. They seemed to have a glow in the dark from how intensity he focused on Arnie.

"But I was really scared, you know? And it's stupid to be upset about it, cause nothing h-happened-"

"It's not stupid. It was scary and horrible, no matter the outcome. I'm sorry."

"B-but I shouldn't be upset, right? Cause we are fine, we are both fine-" His breath hitched with another sob as another tear ran down his cheek. Some part of his brain wondered how the taxi driver didn't say a thing, waiting for Arnie to cry his eyes out on his backseat.

Isaiah brushed some sweaty blond hair away from Arnie's forehead. "And that's important that you are both healthy and okay. But it makes perfect sense you are upset too. You are allowed to get scared and worried."

Arnie's face twisted with another sob as Isaiah petted his hair gently, carefully watching him for any signs it was making the headache worse. But the pressure was really going down as Arnie let the emotion go, through words and tears.

"We didn't have to go out today if you were upset," Isaiah said.

"I wanted to see you though. And we had it scheduled..." so it was the best opportunity.

"If you called me, I would have come. We don't have to just meet when it's 'scheduled' or when you need help with something serious, you know?" Isaiah was still combing Arnie's hair away, when he started to look through his pockets with their other hand, manifesting a paper towel out of nowhere. "Here."

Arnie wiped his face and carefully blew his nose.

"I want to know when something happens in your lives. Good or bad, big or small," Isaiah said, no trace of reproach in his voice, though he sounded firm. "I want to be in the picture."

Arnie felt better hearing it somehow. It was like a permission to call him, even when the trouble wasn't real. Even if it was just Arnie wanting to talk.

The younger boy took a shaky breath, offering Isaiah a shy smile.

[theindescribable1]

Getting Better!

Tw: A vent

. . . But with a happy ending!

((LONG LONG READ...eat some popcorn while you're reading. Idk, uhh enjoy? I cried writing this so it might be sad))

BUT WITH A HAPPY ENDINGGG!

The Bad Stuff:

If you've known me for a while, you'd know that I have been dealing with some rather intense depression and anxiety. I spent a good chunk of my young childhood feeling down and sad all day, I had trouble sleeping, I had issues. I kept all my feelings bottled up for years, it only made me feel angry and I was rude to people I loved. I spent most of my days alone in my room, never wanting to be around my family. I think my depression started getting worse when I was 8 or so? My sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor, she had cancer. I thought she'd die, I was so scared and in so much sorrow. My parents brushed my aside for a few years while my sister battled cancer. I wasn't really a main priority, I felt like I didn't matter anymore. Everything started to be all about my sister, I felt more alone then ever. My parents spent all day with my sister, treating me almost like I didn't matter for the time being. After my sister successfully beat Cancer, it felt like things were never fair for me. She never got in trouble, I always got the blame for things, she never really had to work or do any chores, but I did. It all just felt like favoritism. It made me feel less loved, less respected, and I just couldn't tell my parents how I was feeling. I felt a hate towards my parents, they didn't find ways to praise me, or give me a simple "good job" I just wanted some slight praise, someone to tell me I'm doing good. It seemed as if my parents never cared for the good I did, but they cared when I got something wrong. They scolded me for doing something wrong, it made me feel as if I had to be perfect, as if I couldn't make a single mistake. I believed that I didn't matter to them, I believed that no one would miss me when I'm gone. That's when the suicidal thoughts came in, I would think to myself; "I am unloved, what's the point of even trying? Carrying on in a world where I just don't matter.." And I would see myself committing acts of suicide, I thought about what would happen. What just made things worse was how hard I found it to make friends, it seemed like no one gave me a chance. Every school I went to, I was always made the subject of fun. I never did anything to deserve it! I did nothing wrong! Why was it always me? Why did everybody just naturally hate me? I was left out if every single friend group, I was never included in projects, I never had a partner to work with, I was always the last one picked to be in a team, everyone always just treated me like dirt. I just wanted to die, for so long I just wanted to leave this unfair and cruel planet. I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I was always so stressed, lonely, keeping everything bottled up, telling everyone that I was ok. Keeping everything to myself just gave me headaches, anxiety, stress, anger, and I just couldn't keep my anger to myself. It was becoming more and more difficult. School has always been so difficult for me, bullies, crappy teachers, and I never understood what they were teaching. The entire class was always ahead of me, I never knew how to do anything! I felt so stupid and I had no one to ask for help, I procrastinated every single thing... so many thoughts ran through my head; "I'm so stupid. I'm a loser. No one loves me. I have no friends. Everyone just hates me. Why me why me why me? I just don't want to be here anymore..." All my life up to now, I have always been brushed aside and left with my fake smile. I tried to talk to my parents about what is happening with me, but the first time I tried my mom said; "You don't have depression. You really don't! Just because you feel sad ONCE doesn't mean you're depressed! Look at all that you have! You have nothing to be sad about." It doesn't matter what I have, it matters how I feel! I felt sad and lonely all the time, all day, all night. I was scared to tell my parents again because I just thought they'd brush it aside as me just being "dramatic" and on top off aaaalll of this, my grandpa died and it caused lots of pain.

Things Start Getting Brighter:

I was at a doctor's appointment when I decided that I'd try again... I explained everything to my mom and she started to cry and gave me a big hug. She told me that she'll sign me up for a therapist! That's when I saw hope, a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I thought to myself; "I'll get better...I'm going to be healed. I'm going to be ok. I'm finally help." After that day, my family started spending time with me, they came into my room more and gave me love. I felt happier, but still not cured- eventually I went in to the first session of counseling! My dad sat next to me for the first couple minutes while the counselor talked to him, I heard him say at one point that he was proud of me, and I couldn't hold back tears. Its because I don't hear those words much...I feel as if no one ever tells me that they are proud of me. . After my dad left, I immediately started to blurt out EVERYTHING. I just went off telling the counselor all the past things, I burst out into tears. I let everything out of the bottle. She could almost immediately diagnose me with some rather intense depression. She gave me advice, things to do, and since then I got a bit better..

So Close To Happiness:

I started to work on loving myself, treating myself to good things! I talked to myself positively! Then I decided I should restore bonds with my family but starting some family game nights and movie nights! Me and my family would play some games together on Wednesday, and movies on Friday! As of right now, I'm in a D & D campaign with my family, uncle, and my uncle's friend! Its going great so far, I'm having fun! I'm getting much closer to my family, I feel loved! I feel appreciated! My family plain as day care about me. I love them, they love me. And I started socializing more, I talked to more people, made a friend group, and I began to hang out with more family outside of my main family of 4. I talked to my cousins more often and got much closer to Carol! I had an online friend who I liked to call Goblin, and we decided to meet in real life. Once they gave me their address, I realized. . .We're neighbors!!!?? We lived in the same neighborhood, so I ran over to their house and they ran out the door, we greeted each other in a fit of laughter. We were online friends for 2 or so years and never knew we were 3 or so minutes away from each other! They are also know as The GGT is that's familiar to you! I was less of an introvert, I had more fun, more friends, many more happy memories! Oh and it got great when I got a lil app called Tumblr. I socialized even more and started getting to doing art! I had a goal, to be popular, to ve somebody of slight importance... well I've just got to say. . Thank you for over 700 followers! I love you all so much and you made my dreams come true! You are all my motivation, my reason to keep on going, my great friends! All of youuuu! I love you all so much! And to this day, I haven't felt really sad, alone, unhappy, I haven't thought about ending my life, in fact...I WANT to live, I want to keep on waking up. I want to continue to see the sun everyday, I want to continue on! I don't want to leave, life is beautiful to me now, I see the good in it all, I know that God has good plans for me, and I will wait for paradise, not skip right to it. I want to live every second of my life, I want to continue to love, laugh, smile, and be will those who love me. I want to accomplish my dreams, to have a good life with many memories.

I love you all, and if you are dealing with some bad things, just remember that there is always someone to talk to, to love you, to understand you.. And I'm one of those! You can talk to me, I'll understand you, and I will always do whatever I can to help you. Live your life, its beautiful...I used to see it has painful, lonely, unfair, dark, and depressing...but truly it isn't. Life is beautiful, and so are all of you.

Stay alive, I love you. I love you all.

[starsofang]

You and your cliffhangers. I cant. I feel like it’s an adrenaline rush for you to just hate us and see us scream over them. This is why hatred it developing angie😒😒😒😁

OKAY, FIRST HELLO. I know i’ve said it like three times now, but I’m glad you’re safe from the storm. Florida is getting one after the other so just incase another comes, stay safe😭 You putting out a chapter as soon as you got back was completely unexpected and I blame my phone for not getting me a notification.

No Ghost this chapter :( I feel like if he knew what Dove was seeing he’d be beyond angry. At himself, at Graves. I can even see him being a bit annoyed at the others. Maybe for bringing her onto the ship? I dont know😭 My notes doc is getting longer and longer as the days pass on.

Gaz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY😭🙏😭🙏 I feel so bad and I’m blaming you for it. HOW DARE YOY LEAVE HIM HANGING. IM LITERALLY NEVER FORGIVING YOU. He just wants to know what the fuck is happening between them and dove is just: :/ and she’s beyond confused about everything. Unreliable narrator #1

I still, of course, love your characterization of Soap. I think I’ve said it before, probably the first few chapters. He’s beyondddd smart if a little dense. “I’m glad Ghost has some like you.” and his face is just like: 😄🤨😄 So. Smart might be too nice of a word.

And of course, how could I forget John fucking Price. It’s the daddy issues probably but he’s just so jejehsoskdiosbeid. “What the fuck is she doing.” Imagining him growling that out in concern and anger is doing things to me. But I have to agree with the other ask! I dont know who said it but I loveeeeeeeeeee your dialogue. It can be really hard to convey emotions through writing but somehow you’re able to do it.

Also, John saying he’d prefer if she stayed with him… I see you. He can’t hide from me.

Other ask had the dresses right. Like almost exactly how I pictured it but this one is also right. I think it’s be a bit more grey to be honest, and the sleeves might be longer. But it’s like a classy but modest dress.

I feel like they’d go feral. They ARE pirates to be fair, and pirates definitely aren’t known to not be brutes. Though, they might have a bit more decorum. Barely. But still..

ANY WAYS this was a very long ask and to keep myself from annoying you and being demoted from your favorite reader (don’t you dare tell me i’m wrong) i’m going to end this here :) As always, I love you and you’re writing. MWAH 😙

u don’t hate me, i know you’d miss me if i was still gone from the hurricane 🥱

ghost will be in it next, it was hard to fit him in bc hes going thru it rn 😔 now that graves bitch ass is back ghost will definitely be more present and oooo i can’t wait to see it

im #1 gaz lover but making him suffer a little bit rn is giving me adrenaline and i cant stop doing it, its lowkey like a drug and im getting my fix. he wants to kiss us sooooo bad haha smash.

soap can do no wrong i fear, he’s kind of like my dog in this fic or like a pet bc hes just kind of there being silly while also having his moments of redemption and idk i just love him so much i cant help it. also add me imagining him in wet clothes and a wet mullet in that one scene near the end and I was suddenly the dog

john can also do no wrong idc how many haters he has, i will die on that hill. how can u see his banter and his way of teasing and not think he’s fine. r u serious. ALSO THE GROWL MY GOOOOD I WAS TWEAKING WHEN I WROTE IT CUZ ITS ALL I COULD SEE IN MY HEAD AND I GENUINELY STARTING TO TWITCH

that dress is a yes 😫 i’m not up in here imagining glamor, hello this is 1800s pirates and lowkey we’re a lil dirty and stinky, IN MY MIND I WANT MODEST BORING DRESSES BC READER IS NOT A MODEL she’s literally a prisoner (ex ig) on a ship and things get nasty, plus the practicality??? on a ship??? I AGREE but like i said im a black dress girly thru and thru because thats all i wear

I LOVE YOU MWAH

[romchat]

following up on my prior ask! i found the luyang arc pivotal for xff and xh (i mean, who wouldnt? we got that beautiful rain scene!), but so much of their conversations confused me because of the way they use metaphors and dance around answers! i apologize if i come off as spamming ur inbox, lol!

some things i wanted to understand more:

-ep 16 tearoom: when xff talks about him inviting her over after every "show" and how what he says is apathetic but always hits the mark and makes her in debt. but now hes showing his cards and asks him if he wants to join?

ep 17 in the rain: when she says "you never tell the truth" and he says "what about you? even after drinking you havent told the truth once" what is she referring to? him i can kinda guess but her? idk!

-ep 17 eating dumplings: when xff offers to invite him to watch a play (her helping the ye family) and he says "i dont watch plays" why is he mad?! lol and why does she respond "if you like these buns and want them in the future, ill settle everything" when he says that when its found out to be a "misunderstanding" who does she think has to take the blame (referring to himself as he would tip them off)

-ep 18 eating dumplings (again): when she asks about how he tried cases in the past and he tells her she doesnt have to make him put up an act before she confesses? where did this come from? did i forget something in the past?? and then even more... "today onward, i am once again despised by everyone" what does he mean? when wasnt he? why does she respond with luyang is beautiful and the night duty is coming??

idk theres so much i think i grasp but then i relisten to it and confuse myself lmao! theres definitely more (like the huixiang pawn speech she had with him) but the luyang parts im most interested in! so sorry that this is so long and such word vomit!! thank you so much if u do take the time to respond! i think you have such a good comprehension and a way with words that seriously has added to my enjoyment of this show SO much more. thank you!!!!!

I welcome all word vomits but oh boy you're really stretching my memory here 😂

Ep. 16 Tearoom

Fangfei is still annoyed at Duke Su because of her jealousy over seeing him with another woman at the brothel in Episode 15. In that episode, she had assumed he was following her to Luyang but then thought differently once she saw him with Wu Lan. I think her calling out his sudden "apathy" is essentially her implicitly asking if their odd little relationship has changed (i.e., why are you acting differently?). Which is why he asks:

Duke Su: Are you getting angry at me? Fangfei: Can't I? Duke Su: Your words are really pleasant then. (smiles)

He just confirmed that she's behaving the way she is because she's jealous, which is why he finds her words "pleasant". So he reassures her by telling her who Wu Lan is even though she has nothing to do with Fangfei's dealings with the Ye family--he's like a husband keeping his wife informed about his struggles at work lol

Ep. 17 In the Rain

He's referring to her real identity as Fangfei (which he's known about for a while but wants to hear directly from her about) and I believe she's referring more generally to all his private dealings, which keeps entangling him in her plots (e.g., General Biao, who they had that drinking competition with).

Ep. 17 Dumplings

This was the day after Fangfei's drunken flirtatiousness in the rain so my guess is that he was fishing for her to reveal her true feelings about him ("does that mean you remember what happened that night?") and he gets frustrated when she friend-zones him by wanting his help for her scheming versus talking about this shift in their relationship. Especially since one of the last times they talked about theater, it was when he tricked her into being his cover during the theater attack and she told that him that she now clearly sees what their relationship actually is. Her talking about the theater after their almost kiss probably feels like taking one step forward and two steps back for him!

But Fangfei's "If you like these buns, I'll settle everything" is ultimately her asking for his help to execute her plan and trying to settle the score. Remember, at this point in the drama, she's always counting how much he helps her so she can pay him back and not have to owe him. (Which is why one of my favorite flirting moments of theirs is in Episode 16 when he swoops in during her drinking competition and tells her that his help won't be put on her tab.)

Ep. 18 Dumplings Part Deux

Oh that's just another flirtatious way of giving Duke Su permission to ask her questions about her real identity! By this episode, he's interrogated her at the nunnery as well as his residence but they're always interrupted and/or she leaves when he gets too personal. She's telling him she's willing to share more about herself because of how much he has helped her up to this point.

I'm not quite sure what "today onward, I am once again despised by everyone" refers to (maybe if the palace finds out how he has helped Fangfei given that I think at this point he knows of Princess Wanning's involvement in Fangfei's death?) but I wonder if Fangfei's night duty comment is her reflecting on how even though she just experienced momentary success there is still a long road of challenges ahead of her. That's why Duke Su reassures her that she's strong and a survivor ("right now, all the lights in Luyang are on. If you were a restless spirit, you would have long been reduced to ashes") and she promises him that she "will live on well."

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Hope these ramblings were helpful!